They are the best days of your life.
That’s what we were told about being at school. We had to write essays in which we “discussed” why this was so.
For many, they really were ‒ no bills, few responsibilities, friends and fun. For others, they were days out of William Golding’s “Lord of the Flies”.
As this year’s first term settles in, children will be finding their way among their new peers, many of whom will be together for the next 12 or so years.
Others would have learnt who to avoid any way they can: the bullies.
Bullies, of all ages, are detestable. Once they have their venomous claws in their victims, they keep that hold, dripping the toxins, for as long as they are not reined in. Or until their targets take drastic measures, a number of which have been reported, including resorting to violence or committing suicide.
We have seen many cellphone videos of victims being physically beaten, followed by shock and loud demands that “SOMETHING BE DONE” about it.
It’s not all physical: verbal bullying is insidious.
Back in the ’70s, there was a 10-year-old who had moved provinces and started at a new school. Back then, the “beautiful people” had long, straight hair and had been “together” for three years. This new girl had short, curly red hair, was fairly quiet and bookish, not an insider, and an easy target for the A-listers, who delighted in their “power”.
Consider the psychological effects of bullying, then and now. It is a rejection, a non-acceptance, of that outsider by the “players”, and kids know how to cut deep. That first spiteful verbal attack is a shock: Did that person really say or mean that? Did I hear it right? Stunned into silence, there is no comeback. Enter stage 2. Now an easy mark, more kids join in because it’s fun. The victim either keeps mum or sputters a meagre response that shows she has no idea how to challenge these people.
Then it escalates and worsens exponentially until the cowed victim tries to remain unseen, but those people and their cruelty live inside their target’s head.
Parents and teachers who don’t witness incidents might think when they’re told about it: “Well, that’s kids being kids. Toughen up, sunshine.”
After four years of hatefulness and cowering, the little red-haired kid started high school and figured a way forward. She decided to be obnoxious, brash, loud, a back-of-the-class distraction and thoroughly unpleasant. No one would start trouble with her. When it worked, that’s what she “became”.
But over the years, the quiet, bookish person started to inch back the curtains until, finally, she embraced her introvert. She has opinions, has found her “gang” and is not too terrified of conflict or disagreement. She fights her corner when necessary, but, above all, she is ultra cautious with words. They hurt. Badly.
For parents and teachers: bullying is not kids being kids. Over time, it can cause damage that lasts well into adulthood. Take note if a child complains about bullies. Or watch for it yourselves. The bullied don’t always step up and you might have to start asking questions. Listen, take the answers seriously, and step in.
- Lindsay Slogrove is the news editor
The Independent on Saturday