Setting up house with frail parents: The good and the bad

For most South Africans, however, the reality is that expenses for any kind of elderly care is far beyond reach, given that a large majority lives beneath the poverty line. File picture: Pixabay

For most South Africans, however, the reality is that expenses for any kind of elderly care is far beyond reach, given that a large majority lives beneath the poverty line. File picture: Pixabay

Published Mar 3, 2022

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The older people get, the more fragile they become. In essence, they’re deteriorating. Then, an important decision needs to be made… The route to take: professional frail care or relative care.

For most South Africans, however, the reality is that expenses for any kind of elderly care is far beyond reach, given that a large majority lives beneath the poverty line.

More than 13 million individuals living in South Africa live below the food poverty line according to Pietermaritzburg Economic Justice and Dignity Group.

From this information alone, one can make the conclusion that retirement homes are out of the question for many South Africans.

As a result, individuals make sacrifices to accommodate their elderly parents and/or guardians; the biggest of them all possibly being resigning from their position of employment to be full-times carers to their elderly relatives.

Many cannot afford elderly care that includes accommodation and meals for their ageing parents – the former they may afford only for a couple of hours per day while they’re at work or doing their daily activities.

This was the case with Sophia Redman.

Her mother, Hannetji Prinsloo, moved in with her up to the age of 78 when she sadly passed away.

“It was only me and my mother”, she says, adding on that it was “quite easy” given that no other family members, especially children, were not present in the household.

She had Alzheimer’s disease and I hired a woman to look after her during the day since I worked full time.

Many factors may contribute to a good living experience for all.

A very important component is area.

Having enough breathing space makes an enormous difference; it adds great value to the living experience altogether.

It ensures privacy and may, in an indirect way, reduce conflict – which lead to arguments – that could arise.

Redesigning is not on the books for all, but for those who can afford it, what measures are there that could be taken to ensure accessibility for the elderly ones?

Accessibility plays a great role in the experience of the elderly person him/herself.

Ramps, rails and grab bars are features to consider.

“The home should accommodate the elderly person by removing steps, and arranging easy-to-reach bathrooms or en suite bathrooms,” Redman advises.

If capital is available for designing your home to include a separate entrance flatlet or cottage.

Redman agrees.

“If they are self-sufficient and can look after themselves”, she goes on reasoning, “so that you are not constantly in each other’s space”.

“But”, Redman advises, “if they need constant care a granny flat would not be sufficient”.

If health conditions are serious, medical care need to be a priority. In this case, a live-in arrangement needs to be organised.

“In that case, they need professional care such as. a nurse living in and caring for the person 24/7.”

What common conflicts arise in such set-ups and how can they be avoided?

Redman answers: “Elderly people become like children; (they) need constant attention.

“They very easily become irritated for not being able to function as before.”

For this reason, Redman says, ‘they are not easy to live with’, especially so when the elderly person has dementia.

“The illness makes them forgetful, not being able to function in everyday life as before.

“Family members have to step up and make it easier for the carer.

“Every member of the family has to sacrifice,” Redman said.