Relationship goals: discover how love helps us navigate life's chaos
Romantic relationships have long been celebrated for their emotional benefits love, connection, and support.
But what if these partnerships go beyond the warm fuzzies and actually help us make sense of life itself?
A recent study published in the “Journal of Personality and Social Psychology” sheds light on how shared understanding between romantic partners, known as “shared reality”, reduces uncertainty and enhances our sense of meaning in life.
In a world that often feels chaotic and unpredictable, this research offers a compelling perspective on why relationships are not only comforting but also crucial for our mental and emotional well-being.
For South Africans navigating the complexities of modern life, whether it's juggling cultural expectations, socio-political challenges or personal growth, this study feels especially relevant.
What is shared reality and why does it matter?
Shared reality refers to the mutual understanding couples create about their experiences and the world around them. Essentially, it’s the feeling of being “on the same page” with your partner.
According to study author M. Catalina Enestrom, a postdoctoral researcher at IESE Business School, shared reality has an epistemic function, it helps us interpret the world and find clarity in uncertainty.
“One of the core purposes of our relationships is to help us make sense of the world,” Enestrom said.
The study, titled “Meaning-making with romantic partners: Shared reality promotes meaning in life by reducing uncertainty”, highlights how this co-construction of understanding strengthens relationships while also providing clarity and purpose for individuals.
How relationships reduce uncertainty
To explore how shared reality impacts meaning in life, the research team conducted five studies using a variety of methods, including surveys, experiments, and behavioural observations.
Here’s what they found:
Couples who share reality feel more meaningful lives
In one study, 103 romantic couples were asked to discuss personal fears with each other.
Researchers assessed their level of shared reality through observable behaviours, like finishing each other’s sentences or expressing agreement and measured their reported sense of meaning in life.
Couples who experienced higher shared reality reported greater meaning in life, regardless of how satisfied they were in their relationship. This suggests that shared reality offers unique benefits that go beyond simply being in a happy relationship.
High shared reality moments reduce uncertainty
In an experimental study, participants were asked to recall either a high shared reality experience (e.g., feeling deeply connected to their partner’s perspective) or a low shared reality experience (e.g., feeling disconnected).
Those who reflected on high shared reality moments reported reduced uncertainty and a stronger sense of meaning in life.
This finding underscores how everyday interactions - like sharing a laugh over an inside joke or agreeing on a shared goal - can have profound effects on how we perceive the world.
What does it all mean?
Life in South Africa is a unique blend of challenges and opportunities. From navigating cultural diversity and socio-economic disparities to dealing with political uncertainty, South Africans are no strangers to complexity.
Relationships, it seems, offer more than just emotional support - they’re a tool for making sense of the world.
For example, imagine you and your partner discussing the impact of digital nomads and load-shedding ( common frustrations we all know too well).
Sharing your thoughts, frustrations, and even solutions, you’re not just venting you’re creating shared meaning. This process reduces the uncertainty and helplessness you might feel individually, leaving you with a sense of purpose and connection.
How to build shared reality in your relationship
Have open, honest conversations
Whether you’re discussing your career goals or current events, make an effort to truly understand your partner’s perspective. Ask questions, offer your own insights and find common ground.
Share experiences
Shared activities, like cooking together, hiking or attending a rugby match, can strengthen your bond and create opportunities for shared understanding.
Be present
In a world full of distractions, being fully present during conversations with your partner can make all the difference. Put down your phone, make eye contact and actively listen.
Create rituals
Rituals like Sunday braais or morning coffee chats can help establish a sense of routine and deepen your connection.
At its core, this research reminds us of the profound role relationships play in our lives. Beyond love and companionship, romantic partnerships help us navigate uncertainty, interpret the world, and find meaning.
As the author of the research puts it, “We invest significant time and energy in our relationships, and this research shows why that effort matters”.