How to set boundaries the right way, according to experts

Setting boundaries is a popular topic these days—whether in relationships, at work, or with family and friends. But knowing how to set them effectively is another story.

It’s not just about stating what you will and won’t accept; there’s more to it than that.One common mistake is oversimplifying the process. How and when you communicate your boundaries makes all the difference.

Psychotherapist Sharon Martin, drawing from her years of experience, explains how to do it properly so that it works without causing unnecessary conflict.First, don’t expect others to change their behavior—focus on what you can control.

Take this example: if someone constantly calls or texts at odd hours, simply asking them to stop may not work. Instead, set your own limit—decide that you won’t respond after a certain time, mute their notifications, and stick to your rule. This way, you enforce your boundary without relying on them to change.

Timing also matters. If you just had a heated argument with your partner, that’s not the time to set boundaries. Strong emotions can cloud communication and lead to misunderstandings.Instead, take time to reflect on what you need, then discuss it when you’re calm. And if the other person resists? That doesn’t mean you should back down—if it’s important to you, they need to respect it.

Finally, while boundaries are essential, a little flexibility goes a long way. Most limits can be adjusted through compromise—provided they don’t undermine fundamental aspects of your relationship.Bottom line:

Setting boundaries isn’t about controlling others; it’s about taking responsibility for yourself. Do it right, and you’ll have healthier, more balanced interactions in every part of your life.